Sincerity towards Spouse

By: Anoshia Riaz

Are you really sincere to your spouse?
Of course, I am! What kind of question is that?!

When we come across questions like these, our blood starts to boil. It is tough to calm down when someone indirectly accuses you or questions your sincerity towards your spouse.

When entering into the sacred bond of Nikah, you are devoting yourself to a person for a lifetime. It is a bond that forbids the two parties from deviating towards sinful satisfaction pathways. However, apart from the definite meaning of sincerity towards a spouse, the phrase takes a whole new meaning in the light of Islamic faith. A normal understanding of a husband/wife relationship is that both must follow the core obligations of Islam, and make sure they are fulfilling their responsibilities as per societal norms.

Even though all these duties are important, but it still lacks the true essence of our religion. It is vital for us to understand the Nikah bondage from a deeper perspective. Below, we provide some details about the different angles of marital sincerity:

Tolerate each other
Once you make a commitment to a person and start living with them, you will find a lot of flaws. There might be a stark difference in what you thought about them and what they are. That is when most of us start seeing them from a different lens. People often feel betrayed and cannot accept reality. Allah knows all about the wiring of the human brain. That is why He asked us to be patient, forgiving and kind. Tolerate your spouse at their worse, and you will eventually succeed in enhancing the positive elements of their personality. Hence, tolerance is an aspect of sincerity that couples often fail to acknowledge.

Keeping secrets
Trust is the foundation of this relationship. And secrets are detrimental to this special kind of trust. Shetan loves to break the marriage bonds, and it will compel you to keep a secret from your spouse. But remember that every secret leaves behind a trail and your spouse will fail to trust you again if they find about this secret. Make your relationship frank and healthy from the beginning. After all, you are sharing your life with a person.

Another angle of secret-keeping is that a person should not tell the flaws and errors of their spouse to other people. As the Quran says, “They are your garments, and you are their garments” (Al-Baqarah: 187).

One interpretation of this verse is that husband and wife should conceal the faults of each other, like a garment covers and hides the human body.
This verse played a major role in aspiring the interest of Kieren Ashorthtowards Islam. He was a British economist and teacher who is now known as Yusuff Abdullah. He says about this verse: “Very often in my journey to Islam, I was faced with intellectual and moral dilemmas. Was Islam not supposed to be cruel to women, roughly half of the world’s population? One day, I was reading a translation of the Quran and came across a passage in which it described ‘a wife as a garment for her husband and a husband as a garment for his wife.’ What beauty and what a sublime description!”

Do not mock them
A very common practice of our social gatherings is that we make fun of our spouses, point out their flaws, and whine about their shortcomings. While we discussed the former two earlier, let’s talk about the mockery. Making fun of your spouse in your family or friends circle is not justified, at all. You are shredding away their respect only to get a few cheers from the people around. Whether you are a husband and sitting with your buddies or you are a wife, attending a kitty party; try to discuss subjects that are more valuable. Make sure that people around you view your spouse with dignity.
It is allowed for you to have a fun chat with your partner and make fun of each other, to some extent. But make sure that this happens when no one is around, and it does not upset them.

Therefore, sincerity in marriage is not only concerned with your sole commitment, but it is a multi-faceted subject. Whether you are a husband or a wife, you have to protect your partner from the harshness of life. Stay clear of actions that may stain their personality. Try to structure your life the way your spouse likes and respect his/her family. This will nurture your relationship. Not to forget, you will succeed in attaining the pleasure of Allah who will also guard your bond against evil forces around. Insha’Allah!